ANYONE WHO HAS EVER BEEN GIVEN THE COLD SHOULDER knows darn well dealing with a cold shoulder IS LIKE TRYING TO EMBRACE AN ICEBERG WITHOUT GETTING FROST BITE. 

 

Depending on the amplitude of the problem (chill temperature), the star gazer might try to reach out on the left, speaking from their heart, but we all know that

 

if the iceberg decides to remain frozen,

there is very little we can say or do to change its coldness towards us.

 

For some campers who are used to roughing it in the wilderness, they might try to approach the iceberg on the right, wanting to reason, explain, or justify their position, but we all know that

 

if the iceberg decides to remain inapproachable,

there is very little we can say or do to change its hardness towards us.

 

What about the avid climbers? The avid climbers appear to be a common breed among us. I used to be part of this group and felt quite proud at trying to climb and conquer the summit of any iceberg in sight. In those moments, I used jabs as ice picks, biting ropes as guilt, even poured hot water on it to manipulate it in a position of shame or guilt, where

 

we all know conquering is easier,

especially when the iceberg feels overpowered and more rejected than ever. 

WHAT DOES THAT SAY ABOUT US? 

Trying to overpower and conquer an emotional iceberg 

is like trying to nail jello to a tree. 

Our attempts at peace might stick for a little bit,

but sooner or later, the peace will dissolve rapidly 

since the emotional climate is yet unresolved.

 

Let’s have a closer look at the iceberg, shall we?

See, I have been in the position of the iceberg too. In the past, I have given the cold shoulder to my life partners, children, family members, friends, and many more.

 

Now why would I do such a thing?

 

The cold shoulder is most often given out of a burning hurt inside.

 

In those hurtful, biting, jabbing moments, more than ever, the cold shoulder is given because

  • we most likely want to be right.

  • we most likely want the ‘wronger’ to agree with us we are ‘right’.

  • we most likely want them to feel sorry, guilty, and ashamed for their ‘wrongs’.

  • we want to punish them for we deem their ‘wrongs’.

MAYBE YOU ARE LIKE ME? Maybe you have realized THE COLD SHOULDER IS NOT THE ANSWER.

Instead,

 

Let’s address the emotional climate!

 

The emotional climate in a relationship addresses the following needs:

 

The need to be seen for who we are, 

we all have the right to exist as who we are deep inside.

 

The need to be heard as we are, 

what we say matters deeply.

 

The need to feel wanted, 

we all want to belong and feel loved as is.

 

The need to feel safe in our relationship,

we can all do with more compassion and kindness.

 

What can we do to address the emotional needs of a perceived iceberg?

 

  • Give yourself the space you need to process what you need from your relationships. Perhaps being with an iceberg will become a deal breaker in your relationship.

  • Ensure you speak from an ‘I’ perspective. What you say matters, and nothing matters more than what follows the ‘I’. Make it count positively.

  • Do what makes you happy. Feel worthy of your own love and happiness. No one deserves your love more than your own self.

  • Have compassion for yourself. Compassion has a funny way of melting the seemingly coldest and hardest icebergs as they realize you make it safe to lower their guard and speak from their heart as well.

 

I trust you have found value in this article. My name is Anne Beaulieu. I am an Emotional Intelligence Coach who assists my clients in addressing compassionately even the most reluctant iceberg in their vicinity. I can be reached at anne@walkinginside.com

 

With love & compassion,

Anne

 

www.walkinginside.com

www.fullmontyleadership.com

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