Curiosity

/Curiosity

HOW CANADIAN BORN CHINESE CAN CONNECT WITH THEIR CHINESE HERITAGE

“You don’t understand. I don’t want you to feel sorry for me. I need you to be compassionate.”   In that moment, she felt the all too familiar feeling of what it was like to be a Canadian born Chinese wanting to connect with her Chinese heritage.   When Ming* (name changed to protect privacy) first came to see me, her back was hunched forward as if she was carrying too heavy a burden on her shoulders. She nervously pushed her glasses up the tip of her nose before letting her long black hair drop forward to cover part of her face.   When I asked this young Chinese woman what she needed, Ming made the following comment:   Through my talking with Ming, I found out her Chinese grandmother had been the one primarily responsible for her caregiving while she was growing up. Her grandmother, who was living with

HOW TO FOSTER RESPONSIBILITY IN TEENAGERS

"Show responsibility!  This is all your fault!” I said to my 16-year-old son who had just come home with a zero on a school paper he had handed in late. Showing very little compassion, I pointed my index finger to his face to justify the anger and shame I was feeling inside. “How could you let that happen?” I insisted.   While my parenting tantrum was taking place, my son kept looking outside the kitchen window, verbally acknowledging zero of my questions. Mostly, he remained silent, probably waiting for the storm to boil over. His behaviour showed how I had trained him to ignore his own feelings and emotions and the feelings and emotions of others. He was behaving as I had taught him: like a victim.   ‘How was that possible?’ you might ask.   It is my belief …   When a parent is unaware of their conditioning and

HOW TO INTERACT FROM A PLACE OF SELF-CONFIDENCE

While attending a seminar, I was once asked, “How many of you would like to feel more self-confident at work and at home? Raise your hand.” As I looked around the room with my hand raised high, I noticed most people (if not everybody) had their hand up. This showed me how self-confidence is a hot commodity that everyone seems to want more of.   If that is true …   What makes self-confidence so elusive to get?   I believe the answer is, because we have misconceptions as to what self-confidence truly is.   Allow me to explain ....   Is self-confidence arrogance? Knowing that arrogance is that feeling we get when we think we are ‘better’ than someone else, is it any wonder the know-it-all (what I used to be) are actually deemed to have low self-confidence due to a lack of self-worth (loving self no matter what

HOW TO HEAL FROM A PARENT UNAWARE OF THEIR ADDICTIONS

(PART ONE OF A TWO PARTS SERIES) “You’re just like your father/mother!” “Why can’t you ever do anything right?” “What is wrong with you?” are some examples of what an unaware parent might keep telling their child(ren) out of their addiction to emotional patterns. When we think of the word addiction, many of us tend to list alcohol, sex, drugs, and gambling as the most ‘obvious’ ones while at the same time probably defending our position saying things like, “Others have addictions! Not me!” How do I know that? Because I used to be the sort of parent who claimed ‘Not me!’ when the word addiction was mentioned; I had a very narrow perception of what an addiction actually is. ‘So what is an addiction?’ you might be wondering. I believe the answer is, An addiction is anything that is consistently detrimental to the human spirit. If that is true

HOW TO ESTABLISH AND GAIN SELF-WORTH

HOW TO ESTABLISH AND GAIN SELF-WORTH   There’s a lot of talk around self-worth, this ability to love ourselves no matter who or what we might be facing.   Self-worth represents what we feel towards ourselves beyond anything external defining us.   Self-worth and self-esteem are two different things and the two often get confused. Before we go any further, allow me to explain what I consider the difference between the two.   Self-esteem is external. It is the value we think we have in the eyes of others. For example, if you care mostly about what others think of you, your self-esteem is probably higher than your self-worth right now.   The problem with self-esteem is, self-esteem can easily be taken away. A wrong word, a negative behaviour, and pouf! a person’s internal view of themselves might crumble into ‘I’m never good enough!’ ‘What’s wrong with me? ‘Why can’t

HOW TO GET YOUR CUSTOMER TO KNOW YOU, LIKE YOU, AND TRUST YOU 

When Levy* (fictitious name) came to see me, he quietly walked into the room. He chose a seat far away from me. He sat in the chair, his back straight, his hands firmly crossed in front of him. When I asked him how he was, he answered, “Good.” Asked if he would like a warm cup of tea, he said “no” then he quickly glanced at his watch as if he suddenly had an appointment somewhere else. Taking in Levy’s behaviours, I knew what I needed to do to make him feel I am trustworthy of having him as a client.   Through my talking with him, I found out his father criticized him a lot, often telling him he wasn’t good enough. He said his family was very much money-oriented, with success determined on how much money each member made and saved. Laughing nervously, he said the bigger the

WHAT YOU CAN LEARN FROM AMAZON ABOUT SUCCESSFUL SELLING

I am in Hong Kong and have just been invited to attend Swiss Bank’s annual gala. I immediately start panicking. ‘What am I going to wear?’ I keep asking myself. It was my first time attending such an event in Asia and I, like you, love to make a great first impression.   I call my best friend Ping Yin for advice. She says, ‘I don’t know... What will the other women there be wearing?’  I find her answer unhelpful. How do I know what they are going to be wearing that night?   At the first chanceI get, I ask my (then) husband, ‘What do you think I should I wear to go to the gala?’  and he tells me to go shop around. Not helpful either.   Have you ever been in a situation where you didn’t get the help you needed?   I decide to go shopping

FIVE KEYS TO TAP INTO YOUR HIDDEN CREATIVITY

When George* came to see me, he said he felt caught between two masters, his career and his passion. Can you relate?   Asked why his career wasn’t his passion, George said his job as a business manager for a high-end establishment paid super well though the hours were long and his clientage was hard to deal with sometimes. As for what he believed was his true passion, he said he had put it on the back burner (for many years) because he thought he was ‘out of’ creative ideas and had ‘exhausted’ all his resources. Listening to him talk, it was clear to me George had failed to tap into his hidden creativity.   Have you ever been in a situation where you felt like you could do much better?   After his work shift, George confessed he often went out. He said he needed to unwind at night

HOW TO RAISE CHILDREN WITH INTEGRITY

When Sally* came to see me, she was finding herself in quite the pickle jam. Her relationship with her husband was at such a level that she had jumped the fence and committed adultery. She said she felt horrible about what she had just done. She told me adultery felt yucky to her and that she never wanted to put herself in that situation again. She made it clear to me she needed my coaching assistance because she wanted to be able to live with herself again. Listening to her, I saw how Sally seemed like a decent person who wanted to live in integrity.   Through my talking with her, I found out her relationship with her life partner had been deteriorating for years. She said that when she wanted to talk to him about their relationship, he either got angry saying it was ‘all’ her fault or he

THE FIVE KEYS TO IGNITING YOUR PASSION AND CLOSE MORE SALES

Passion is infectious across sales teams and to customers.  Result: more sales closed.   When Claude* came to see me, she believed that if she tried ‘hard’ enough and kept working till she dropped exhausted every night, then she ‘knew’ what passion was and was therefore ‘living’ it.   But when I asked her how this ‘passion’ of hers was showing up in her business results, she shyly confessed she was struggling at bringing new customers in. She even said she had been living from pay cheque to pay cheque lately. This told me how Claude had done what so many of us do, falsely equate passion with sheer will.   Through my talking with her, I found out Claude was considering skipping ship; she was considering moving to a competitor of her current employer. When asked why, she said she felt like she wasn’t growing as a person and

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