Intent

/Intent

HOW TO OVERCOME OUR FEAR OF SILENCE

Our fear of silence is a learnt behaviour, which can be unlearned.   You enter a conference room where everyone is taking their seat in silence. How do you feel about the quietness in the room?   Do you secretly worry about why no one is talking?   Nervously laughing, do you make a joke to lighten up the mood?   How about emotionally zoning out while waiting for someone to speak?   Maybe even anxiously scrolling through your Instagram account while waiting for the meeting to start?   What do you do when you are meeting with silence?     For many of us, utter quietness can be uncomfortable.   According to Larry D. Rosen’s research spanning over six years and observing 580 undergraduate students, he found out that their struggle with silence is a learnt behaviour.   Our fear of silence is a learnt behaviour.     Let’s see

HOW TO GRACEFULLY GIVE FEEDBACK

“Communication is an ongoing feedback loop between a spectator and a ringmaster.”   Sitting front row, the little girl’s eyes were looking at the ringmaster. Like a maestro directing a great performance, the ringmaster was standing centre stage.     Much was happening in the background for she heard the sound of drums, trumpets, and flamethrowers galore.     Smiling, she was mesmerized with the show taking place in front of her.     Like a child living in the present moment, she laughed when the ringmaster made a funny joke, and she was genuinely curious when the ringmaster asked the audience a question.     She knew in her heart that she was watching a great performance by the very best.     She was a willing participant, an observer to all that was happening in front of her.     Because this little girl understood her role of

THE SECRET TO SETTING AND UPHOLDING HEALTHY BOUNDARIES

When Suzy* first came to see me, she was feeling torn between her desire to feel loved by her mother and her need to have healthy boundaries. She told me that she was sick and tired of feeling miserable, and that was why she was coming to see me. Suzy wanted to know how to feel good about herself while having a healthy relationship with her mother. Can you relate?   I asked Suzy what she did for a living and she told me that she worked in the elderly care industry. She said she didn’t like her work. When I asked her what made her keep a job she disliked, she said, “My mom! She thinks I should keep it because the pay is steady!”   You might think I was having a conversation with a young adult butting heads with her mother. But Suzy was a middle-aged woman

HOW TO HEAL FROM A PARENT UNAWARE OF THEIR ADDICTION

“You’re just like your father!” “What is wrong with you?” are some examples of what a parent might say because of their addiction to limiting beliefs.   When we think of the word addiction, many of us believe an addiction refers to alcohol, sex, drugs, and gambling.  If we hold that belief as true, it becomes very easy to claim “Others have addictions! Not me!” However ...   Let's dig a little bit deeper.   For example ... Is it true that some people find it difficult to say no? Having difficulty saying no is a form of addiction. And is it true that some people care too much about that others might think of them? Constantly seeking external approval is a form of addition.   So you see, addictions refer to more than just sex, drugs, gambling, and rock & roll.   You now might be wondering ... What is an addiction?  

THE ANTIDOTE TO EMOTIONAL UNAVAILABILITY

An emotionally unavailable person behaves like someone infected with a contagious disease. It affects all of us.   Being present is the antidote to emotional unavailability.   Many of us love to think we are emotionally available, but looking at the characteristics listed below, to what extent are we being present when it comes to ….     Listening Deeply There are four levels of listening.   Cosmetic listening (level 1): It looks like we are listening, but our mind is actually somewhere else. Conversational listening (level 2): We seem engaged in the conversation, listening, talking, listening, talking, but our mind is looking for ways to rebut or judge. In level 2, we are listening to prove ourselves right. Active listening (level 3): The focus is on what the other person is saying. We are recording facts and paying attention to body language as we assess the alignment of words,

HOW CANADIAN BORN CHINESE CAN CONNECT WITH THEIR CHINESE HERITAGE

“You don’t understand. I don’t want you to feel sorry for me. I need you to be compassionate.” In that moment, she felt the all too familiar feeling of what it was like to be a Canadian born Chinese wanting to connect with her Chinese heritage. When Ming* (name changed to protect privacy) first came to see me, her back was hunched forward as if she was carrying too heavy a burden on her shoulders. She nervously pushed her glasses up the tip of her nose before letting her long black hair drop forward to cover part of her face.   When I asked this young Chinese woman what she needed, Ming made the following comment:   Through my talking with Ming, I found out her Chinese grandmother had been the one primarily responsible for her caregiving while she was growing up. Her grandmother, who was living with Ming’s family,

HOW TO DEAL WITH AN EMOTIONALLY SICK PARENT

I didn’t ask myself ‘Is she emotionally sick?’ I was eight years old and like many other kids, I just wanted to go play outside and make sure I had a clean pair of pants to wear to go to school the next day. Plus, what does ‘emotionally’ even mean to a kid?   I didn’t even ask if she was sick. I mean, she looked fine on the surface.  She could walk and talk, though she said and did things that even I found strange by moments. Like that time she put my hands on her tummy and told me she had a baby inside. She said she was the Virgin Mary and she was going to give birth to the child of Jesus Christ. As strange as she sounded and behaved at times, my mother was not running a fever or having a drippy nose.   When I

HOW TO FEEL YOUR WAY THROUGH GRIEF

I couldn’t believe he had done it again. I was so angry that I didn’t even take the time to ask myself what could be wrong with him. Instead, I marched right over where he was, grabbed him by the scruff of the neck, and threw him unmercifully on the cold concrete of the back patio. This was the nth time that day that the kids’ puppy, Snowy, had pooped in the living room. I had enough!   I watched him as he pawed the glass door, crying to be let back in. I yelled at him to go pee and poop as if a four month old puppy could have complete control over its bodily functions. He looked at me with pleading eyes. I pretended not to care and told him in a stern voice to go do his business or stay outside, his choice.   Snowy was a

FIVE KEYS TO TAP INTO YOUR HIDDEN CREATIVITY

When George* came to see me, he said he felt caught between two masters, his career and his passion. Can you relate?   Asked why his career wasn’t his passion, George said his job as a business manager for a high-end establishment paid super well though the hours were long and his clientage was hard to deal with sometimes. As for what he believed was his true passion, he said he had put it on the back burner (for many years) because he thought he was ‘out of’ creative ideas and had ‘exhausted’ all his resources. Listening to him talk, it was clear to me George had failed to tap into his hidden creativity.   Have you ever been in a situation where you felt like you could do much better?   After his work shift, George confessed he often went out. He said he needed to unwind at night

HOW TO RAISE CHILDREN WITH INTEGRITY

When Sally* came to see me, she was finding herself in quite the pickle jam. Her relationship with her husband was at such a level that she had jumped the fence and committed adultery. She said she felt horrible about what she had just done. She told me adultery felt yucky to her and that she never wanted to put herself in that situation again. She made it clear to me she needed my coaching assistance because she wanted to be able to live with herself again. Listening to her, I saw how Sally seemed like a decent person who wanted to live in integrity.   Through my talking with her, I found out her relationship with her life partner had been deteriorating for years. She said that when she wanted to talk to him about their relationship, he either got angry saying it was ‘all’ her fault or he

Bittersweet
Chanan
Kheirions Hat
Pots and Lids
The Blue Zipper
The Dirty Money
The Man Who Found A Mirror
The Purple Glove
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