Our fear of silence is a learnt behaviour, which can be unlearned. You enter a conference room where everyone is taking their seat in silence. How do you feel about the quietness in the room? Do you secretly worry about why no one is talking? Nervously laughing, do you make a joke to lighten up the mood? How about emotionally zoning out while waiting for someone to speak? Maybe even anxiously scrolling through your Instagram account while waiting for the meeting to start? What do you do when you are meeting with silence? For many of us, utter quietness can be uncomfortable. According to Larry D. Rosen’s research spanning over six years and observing 580 undergraduate students, he found out that their struggle with silence is a learnt behaviour. Our fear of silence is a learnt behaviour. Let’s see
“Communication is an ongoing feedback loop between a spectator and a ringmaster.” Sitting front row, the little girl’s eyes were looking at the ringmaster. Like a maestro directing a great performance, the ringmaster was standing centre stage. Much was happening in the background for she heard the sound of drums, trumpets, and flamethrowers galore. Smiling, she was mesmerized with the show taking place in front of her. Like a child living in the present moment, she laughed when the ringmaster made a funny joke, and she was genuinely curious when the ringmaster asked the audience a question. She knew in her heart that she was watching a great performance by the very best. She was a willing participant, an observer to all that was happening in front of her. Because this little girl understood her role of
When Suzy* first came to see me, she was feeling torn between her desire to feel loved by her mother and her need to have healthy boundaries. She told me that she was sick and tired of feeling miserable, and that was why she was coming to see me. Suzy wanted to know how to feel good about herself while having a healthy relationship with her mother. Can you relate? I asked Suzy what she did for a living and she told me that she worked in the elderly care industry. She said she didn’t like her work. When I asked her what made her keep a job she disliked, she said, “My mom! She thinks I should keep it because the pay is steady!” You might think I was having a conversation with a young adult butting heads with her mother. But Suzy was a middle-aged woman
“You’re just like your father!” “What is wrong with you?” are some examples of what a parent might say because of their addiction to limiting beliefs. When we think of the word addiction, many of us believe an addiction refers to alcohol, sex, drugs, and gambling. If we hold that belief as true, it becomes very easy to claim “Others have addictions! Not me!” However ... Let's dig a little bit deeper. For example ... Is it true that some people find it difficult to say no? Having difficulty saying no is a form of addiction. And is it true that some people care too much about that others might think of them? Constantly seeking external approval is a form of addition. So you see, addictions refer to more than just sex, drugs, gambling, and rock & roll. You now might be wondering ... What is an addiction?
When Jack* came to see me, I noticed right away how super groomed he was. His beard was trimmed impeccably. His light blue shirt, fitting and ironed crisp, was tightly hugging muscles that must have spent a lot of time at the gym working out. Even his nails were nicely buffed and trimmed. Asking him how I may serve him, he said he knew what he wanted and what he had to do to get it. If such was indeed the case, why seek my assistance? Through my talking with him, I found out Jack was a district manager catering to quite a few well-known franchised establishments throughout his city and beyond. Part of his job was to ensure uniformity of products and services under a specific brand. He said the hours were long, but the pay was really good. So, what was the problem? Jack confessed he
When James* called upon me, he asked that we meet in an open restaurant downtown Vancouver. Asking him why there instead of my office, he laughed and said, ‘Because I need it this way.’ On the agreed upon date and time of rendez-vous, James sat down in front of me and immediately placed his hands under the table where I could Not see them. This gesture alone told me a lot about James, how easily he pretended to be emotionally open yet felt the want to hide once in front of me. Through my talking with him, I found out James was one of nine children from a very large Catholic South American family. He grew up being an altar boy, going to Sunday school, and saying prayers. But something was Not working for him… In his teenage years, he realized he was gay and being gay is
When Janie came to see me, she smiled an easy smile and quickly answered “I’m fine!” to the question ‘How are you?’ I watched her as she fidgeted onto her seat, obviously trying to find a comfortable position. She finally sat down after putting a nearby colourful cushion in front of her tummy. This gesture alone told me a lot about Janie, how she most likely was living her life hiding in the background while hanging on to shiny objects for dear life. Through my talking with her, I found out she has spent years studying for a profession she says she is now hating. She said she felt tired and drained, her bosses apparently not caring about what happened to her or how she felt. Have you ever been in a situation where you felt unseen and unheard? After her work shift, Janie confessed she
Have you ever experienced a gushing water leak in your home? Where was it? Was it underneath the kitchen sink? Was it in the basement where water pipes tend to run hidden in the dark? What did it cost you to repair this leak? In 2001, I bought a showroom townhouse. It had many upgrades like granite countertops, wooden kitchen cabinets, and so on. I loved this house house very much, it looked great on the surface… until the day I had my first water leak. The day it happened, I did not know where the water valve was, so I ran panicking to my next door neighbour. He calmly came over, turned the water valve off, and told me to call a plumber. I had never had to call a plumber before and it made me feel deeply anxious and stressed out. Ever been in that situation?
ROUND AND ROUND Round and round We go again On the merry-go-round of life. Ups and downs, We think that’s life Until we get off our mount. Round and round We go again On the merry-go-round of life. Laughter and tears We think we’re here Until we go deep within. In and in We go again On the merry-go-round of life, Darkness and light Fuse into one Until we go round and round. With love & compassion, Anne What makes any of us go round and round in circles? www.walkinginside.com www.fullmontyleadership.com
HOW FAR AM I WILLING TO GO? Am I willing to go beyond the stars Where you and I were born Where the sun befriends the moon Where rainbows bridge us all? Am I willing to go further than the eye can see Where trees plant their roots Where flowers drop their seeds Where leaves take in the colours of seasons? Am I willing to go deeper than the ocean floor Where all the river beds make one Where the illusion of division is triumphed over Where we all feel as one? How far am I willing to go? I am willing to go At the centre of myself Where I hear it all begins The point of origin That unites us all. I am willing to go Where ‘broken’ lines disappear Where there is no you or me Where there is only a