Intentions

/Intentions

HOW CANADIAN BORN CHINESE CAN CONNECT WITH THEIR CHINESE HERITAGE

“You don’t understand. I don’t want you to feel sorry for me. I need you to be compassionate.”   In that moment, she felt the all too familiar feeling of what it was like to be a Canadian born Chinese wanting to connect with her Chinese heritage.   When Ming* (name changed to protect privacy) first came to see me, her back was hunched forward as if she was carrying too heavy a burden on her shoulders. She nervously pushed her glasses up the tip of her nose before letting her long black hair drop forward to cover part of her face.   When I asked this young Chinese woman what she needed, Ming made the following comment:   Through my talking with Ming, I found out her Chinese grandmother had been the one primarily responsible for her caregiving while she was growing up. Her grandmother, who was living with

HOW TO FOSTER RESPONSIBILITY IN TEENAGERS

"Show responsibility!  This is all your fault!” I said to my 16-year-old son who had just come home with a zero on a school paper he had handed in late. Showing very little compassion, I pointed my index finger to his face to justify the anger and shame I was feeling inside. “How could you let that happen?” I insisted.   While my parenting tantrum was taking place, my son kept looking outside the kitchen window, verbally acknowledging zero of my questions. Mostly, he remained silent, probably waiting for the storm to boil over. His behaviour showed how I had trained him to ignore his own feelings and emotions and the feelings and emotions of others. He was behaving as I had taught him: like a victim.   ‘How was that possible?’ you might ask.   It is my belief …   When a parent is unaware of their conditioning and

HOW TO INTERACT FROM A PLACE OF SELF-CONFIDENCE

While attending a seminar, I was once asked, “How many of you would like to feel more self-confident at work and at home? Raise your hand.” As I looked around the room with my hand raised high, I noticed most people (if not everybody) had their hand up. This showed me how self-confidence is a hot commodity that everyone seems to want more of.   If that is true …   What makes self-confidence so elusive to get?   I believe the answer is, because we have misconceptions as to what self-confidence truly is.   Allow me to explain ....   Is self-confidence arrogance? Knowing that arrogance is that feeling we get when we think we are ‘better’ than someone else, is it any wonder the know-it-all (what I used to be) are actually deemed to have low self-confidence due to a lack of self-worth (loving self no matter what

HOW TO HEAL FROM A PARENT UNAWARE OF THEIR ADDICTIONS (PART TWO OF A TWO PARTS SERIES)

  “You’re just like your father/mother!” “Why can’t you ever do anything right?” “What is wrong with you?” are some examples of what an unaware parent might keep telling their child(ren) out of their addiction to emotional patterns.   When we think of the word addiction, many of us tend to list alcohol, sex, drugs, and gambling as the most ‘obvious’ ones while at the same time probably defending our position saying things like, “Others have addictions! Not me!”   How do I know that?   Because I used to be the sort of parent who claimed ‘Not me!’ when the word addiction was mentioned; I had a very narrow perception of what an addiction actually is.   You might be wondering ...   ‘What is an addiction?’   I believe the answer is, . An addiction is anything that is consistently detrimental to the human spirit.     If

TEN EMPOWERING TIPS RESTORING SELF-WORTH IN CASE OF PHYSICAL ABUSE

    “Telling a child who is physically abused to feel their self-worth intact while the abuse is going on is like telling an adult not to scratch their car when hitting a telephone pole full blast.” ~ Anne Beaulieu   …..   “I remember the day as if it were yesterday. My father had come in angry from work and he was looking for a reason to let off some steam. My mother was in a frenzy because she couldn’t find one of her contraceptive pills. What she didn’t know was that I had taken the pill out of its packet. I was seven years old and didn’t know any different. I thought the pill was candy, but when I tried to lick it, I realized it tasted bitter and I threw it away, falsely thinking my mother would never notice. But she did.   She walked up to

HOW TO HEAL FROM A PARENT UNAWARE OF THEIR ADDICTIONS

(PART ONE OF A TWO PARTS SERIES) “You’re just like your father/mother!” “Why can’t you ever do anything right?” “What is wrong with you?” are some examples of what an unaware parent might keep telling their child(ren) out of their addiction to emotional patterns. When we think of the word addiction, many of us tend to list alcohol, sex, drugs, and gambling as the most ‘obvious’ ones while at the same time probably defending our position saying things like, “Others have addictions! Not me!” How do I know that? Because I used to be the sort of parent who claimed ‘Not me!’ when the word addiction was mentioned; I had a very narrow perception of what an addiction actually is. ‘So what is an addiction?’ you might be wondering. I believe the answer is, An addiction is anything that is consistently detrimental to the human spirit. If that is true

HOW TO ESTABLISH AND GAIN SELF-WORTH

HOW TO ESTABLISH AND GAIN SELF-WORTH   There’s a lot of talk around self-worth, this ability to love ourselves no matter who or what we might be facing.   Self-worth represents what we feel towards ourselves beyond anything external defining us.   Self-worth and self-esteem are two different things and the two often get confused. Before we go any further, allow me to explain what I consider the difference between the two.   Self-esteem is external. It is the value we think we have in the eyes of others. For example, if you care mostly about what others think of you, your self-esteem is probably higher than your self-worth right now.   The problem with self-esteem is, self-esteem can easily be taken away. A wrong word, a negative behaviour, and pouf! a person’s internal view of themselves might crumble into ‘I’m never good enough!’ ‘What’s wrong with me? ‘Why can’t

HOW TO GET YOUR CUSTOMER TO KNOW YOU, LIKE YOU, AND TRUST YOU 

When Levy* (fictitious name) came to see me, he quietly walked into the room. He chose a seat far away from me. He sat in the chair, his back straight, his hands firmly crossed in front of him. When I asked him how he was, he answered, “Good.” Asked if he would like a warm cup of tea, he said “no” then he quickly glanced at his watch as if he suddenly had an appointment somewhere else. Taking in Levy’s behaviours, I knew what I needed to do to make him feel I am trustworthy of having him as a client.   Through my talking with him, I found out his father criticized him a lot, often telling him he wasn’t good enough. He said his family was very much money-oriented, with success determined on how much money each member made and saved. Laughing nervously, he said the bigger the

WHAT YOU CAN LEARN FROM AMAZON ABOUT SUCCESSFUL SELLING

I am in Hong Kong and have just been invited to attend Swiss Bank’s annual gala. I immediately start panicking. ‘What am I going to wear?’ I keep asking myself. It was my first time attending such an event in Asia and I, like you, love to make a great first impression.   I call my best friend Ping Yin for advice. She says, ‘I don’t know... What will the other women there be wearing?’  I find her answer unhelpful. How do I know what they are going to be wearing that night?   At the first chanceI get, I ask my (then) husband, ‘What do you think I should I wear to go to the gala?’  and he tells me to go shop around. Not helpful either.   Have you ever been in a situation where you didn’t get the help you needed?   I decide to go shopping

HOW TO DEVELOP A HEALTHIER RELATIONSHIP WITH YOUR TEENAGER

“Do you wanna know why I am the way I am?” My fifteen year old daughter screamed at me one evening. Frozen on the spot, mouth open, I was unsure if I really wanted to hear her answer. Somewhere in my head, I believed she was ‘just’ another angry teenager who was about to unleash her wrath one more time.   Tears rolling down her face, she wiped them swiftly with the back of her hand. “I’m the way I am because of you! You’re such a hypocrite! You pretend you care, but you don’t! Want me to prove it to you again? What did I just say before what I just said?”   She had me again and she knew it. I went deeper inside my head to remember what she had just said prior to her rant, and my mind drew a blank. I looked at her, moving

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