Silent Treatment

/Silent Treatment


When James* called upon me, he asked that we meet in an open restaurant downtown Vancouver. Asking him why there instead of my office, he laughed and said, ‘Because I need it this way.’    On the agreed upon date and time of rendez-vous, James sat down in front of me and immediately placed his hands under the table where I could Not see them. This gesture alone told me a lot about James, how easily he pretended to be emotionally open yet felt the want to hide once in front of me.   Through my talking with him, I found out James was one of nine children from a very large Catholic South American family. He grew up being an altar boy, going to Sunday school, and saying prayers. But something was Not working for him… In his teenage years, he realized he was gay and being gay is


What if I were to tell you that taking responsibility has nothing to do with shaming or guilt tripping, what would you answer to that? If you are like the old me, you might answer something like: “That’s horse shit!” “Of course taking responsibility comes with shame and guilt! How else do you expect anyone to become responsible if they do not feel wrath?”   But is it true?      Just so we are on the same page here, I believe   TAKING RESPONSIBILITY means to ACKNOWLEDGE the CHOICES we have MADE and ACCEPTING THE RESULTS we currently have.     The CHOICES we have made, being: -> The words we spoke -> The actions we took -> The words we refused to speak -> The actions we refused to take     The RESULTS we currently have, being: -> what we currently perceive as good, bad, or ugly in


ANYONE WHO HAS EVER BEEN GIVEN THE COLD SHOULDER knows darn well dealing with a cold shoulder IS LIKE TRYING TO EMBRACE AN ICEBERG WITHOUT GETTING FROST BITE.    Depending on the amplitude of the problem (chill temperature), the star gazer might try to reach out on the left, speaking from their heart, but we all know that   if the iceberg decides to remain frozen, there is very little we can say or do to change its coldness towards us.   For some campers who are used to roughing it in the wilderness, they might try to approach the iceberg on the right, wanting to reason, explain, or justify their position, but we all know that   if the iceberg decides to remain inapproachable, there is very little we can say or do to change its hardness towards us.   What about the avid climbers? The avid climbers appear


THAT MOMENT… WHEN YOU ARE SO PISSED THE TEMP IN THE ROOM DROPS BY AT LEAST 10 DEGREES AND YOU TURN YOUR BACK ON THE PERSON YOU LOVE… WANTING TO MAKE A ‘SOLID’ POINT.... YOU BECOME SILENT… YOUR BODY AND MIND SHOWING REJECTION.... IN THAT MOMENT... WE ALL KNOW… THE SILENT TREATMENT GAME HAS BEGUN. One of the things I used to crave most in my life was to have people love and validate me. I looked into their eyes, full of hope, wanting to please them. I would have done anything for my life partner and my children. I wanted to see them happy and thriving on my love. That mindset, of course, changed immediately the moment they did something wrong in my eyes, something that deeply hurt my feelings…. like not returning my phone call on time or going to a friend’s house without telling me. Didn’t they

By | June 29th, 2016|Awareness, Relationship, Silent Treatment|0 Comments
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