“How many of you would like to have more self-confidence? Raise your hand.” As I looked around the room with my hand also raised high, I noticed most people (practically everyone) had their hand up. This showed me how self-confidence is a hot commodity we all want more of.

So what makes it difficult to have self-confidence?

I believe the answer is, because we have misconceptions as to what self-confidence actually is.

Allow me to explain ….

Is self-confidence the same as arrogance?

Knowing that arrogance is thinking we know and behave better than anyone else, a “know-it-all” has low self-confidence because they tend to degrade others to feel ‘good’ about themselves.  Arrogance is NOT self-confidence.

Is self-confidence the same as contempt?

Knowing that contempt is considering someone beneath our consideration, a judging person has low self-confidence because they refuse accepting others (and themselves) for who they really are. Contempt is NOT self-confidence.

Is self-confidence the same as being fake?

Knowing that being fake is refusing to openly admit what we are feeling or thinking in the moment, a closed-up person has low self-confidence because they fear rejection. Being fake is NOT self-confidence.

Is self-confidence the same as being nice?

Knowing that being nice is suppressing our feelings and emotions to put another’s feelings and emotions above our own, a suppressed person has low self-confidence because they crave the approval of others above their own.  Being nice is NOT self-confidence.

Is self-confidence the same as aggressiveness?

Knowing that aggressiveness is attacking others in some way, shape, or form, an aggressive person has low self-confidence because they want to win at all costs. Aggressiveness is NOT self-confidence.

Is self-confidence the same as entitlement?

Knowing that entitlement is instant gratification, an entitled person has low self-confidence because they find it difficult to be grateful for who they are and what they have in the moment. Entitlement is NOT self-confidence.

Is self-confidence the same as manipulating?

Knowing that manipulation is forcing someone to do something against their well-being to get what we want, a manipulator has low self-confidence because they don’t know how to genuinely access what they want. Manipulating is NOT self-confidence.

Let’s recap …

Now knowing that self-confidence is NOT

arrogance (thinking we are better than others)
contempt (thinking others are beneath our consideration)
being fake (refusing to openly share our feelings and emotions)
being nice (suppressing our feelings and emotions to get others’ approval)
aggressiveness (thinking we must win at all costs)
entitlement (lack of gratitude)
-manipulation (forcing others to do what we want)

What is self-confidence?

To answer this question, allow me to provide first some concepts you might want to play with.

We can view the opposite of arrogance as being humble.
We can view the opposite of contempt as being genuinely accepting.
We can view the opposite of being fake as being authentic.
We can view the opposite of being nice as being kind.
We can view the opposite of aggressiveness as being peaceful.
We can view the opposite of entitlement as being grateful.
We can view the opposite of manipulation as being honest.

Keeping this in mind …

On a scale of 1-10 (10 equals 100%) … how much self-confidence do you have when it comes to …
-Being humble? 1 – 2 – 3 – 4 – 5 – 6 – 7 – 8 – 9 – 10
-Being genuinely accepting? 1 – 2 – 3 – 4 – 5 – 6 – 7 – 8 – 9 – 10
-Being authentic? 1 – 2 – 3 – 4 – 5 – 6 – 7 – 8 – 9 – 10
-Being kind? 1 – 2 – 3 – 4 – 5 – 6 – 7 – 8 – 9 – 10
-Being peaceful? 1 – 2 – 3 – 4 – 5 – 6 – 7 – 8 – 9 – 10
-Being grateful? 1 – 2 – 3 – 4 – 5 – 6 – 7 – 8 – 9 – 10
-Being honest? 1 – 2 – 3 – 4 – 5 – 6 – 7 – 8 – 9 – 10
/ 70

Looking at your score, if you had been attending that seminar with me that day, would you have raised your hand to the question

“How many of you would like to have more self-confidence?”

Your Emotional Intelligence coach,
Anne
www.walkinginside.com