An emotionally unavailable person behaves like someone infected with a contagious disease. It affects all of us.

 

Being present is the antidote to emotional unavailability.

 

Many of us love to think we are emotionally available, but looking at the characteristics listed below, to what extent are we being present when it comes to ….

 

 

Listening Deeply

There are four levels of listening.  

  • Cosmetic listening (level 1): It looks like we are listening, but our mind is actually somewhere else.

  • Conversational listening (level 2): We seem engaged in the conversation, listening, talking, listening, talking, but our mind is looking for ways to rebut or judge. In level 2, we are listening to prove ourselves right.

  • Active listening (level 3): The focus is on what the other person is saying. We are recording facts and paying attention to body language as we assess the alignment of words, feelings, and body language as a whole.

  • Deep listening (level 4): We are genuinely wanting to discover the other person. We really want to hear what the other person is conveying. We are listening with an ‘empty’ mind, meaning that we are listening without rebuttal or judgment. We are openly accepting where we and the other person are at.

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Openly sharing our feelings and emotions

Emotional availability comes with vulnerability. We display vulnerability when we are openly sharing what we are feeling in this moment about a specific thing, situation, or person, including ourselves. Vulnerability is revealing who we really are.  

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Knowing the difference between our wants and our needs

When we don’t get what we want, it’s because we don’t provide what is needed. For example, do you believe it’s more important to be loving or to be right? Though, like you, I believe being loving is most important, however … what we believe and what we do does not always match.

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Standing up for what is needed

To stand up for what is needed, we must be be willing to openly share our feelings and emotions and keep an open mind. Here’s a clue. Wanting to be right is never what is needed.

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Letting go of the victim mentality

Victim is the label we often apply to anyone who’s suffered hardship in the past. When we behave like a victim, we are living in the past. Emotional availability is about being present in this moment.

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Taking responsibility for our thoughts, words, feelings, and actions

Being present means that our moods and circumstances are irrelevant as we provide what is needed in this moment. We usually get moody when we fail to get it (whatever “it” means). We often secretly or overtly blame our circumstances when we fail to own it (whatever “it” means). Being present means we take full accountability/responsibility for every aspect of our life situation.

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Leaving the past and the future alone

The past is past and the future hasn’t happened yet. The only moment we have any control over is this present moment. Emotional availability means that we are letting go of worry (a focus on the past) and anxiety (a focus on the future) so we focus instead on what is needed in the present.

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Letting go of extremes

How easy is it for you to either trivialize something or make it a big deal? Extremes are the result of giving weight to our perceptions. At extremes, we think we know for certain what is going on, but what do we really know for certain when we express over-excitement or over-pain?

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Letting go of wanting to be right

Through letting go of wanting to be right, we become genuinely curious to discover people, situations, and things, including who we really are and what we stand for. We keep and open mind and an open heart to fully embrace what is, which is what being present is all about.

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Let’s recap.

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What are some of the characteristics we get to display when being present:

  1. Listening deeply

  2. Openly sharing our feelings and emotions

  3. Knowing the difference between our wants and our needs

  4. Standing up for what is needed

  5. Letting go of the victim mentality

  6. Taking responsibility for our thoughts, words, feelings, and actions

  7. Leaving the past and the future alone

  8. Letting go of extremes

  9. Letting go of wanting to be right

 

If you’ve found value in what I’ve just shared with you, please leave a comment below.

 

To explore together what I can do for you and your organization, here’s my scheduling link to book a complimentary chat: https://meetme.so/AnneBeaulieu

 

With gratitude,

Anne

 

www.walkinginside.com

 

Anne Beaulieu is the Founder of Walking Inside Resources Inc, a coaching and consulting resource company dedicated to making you the hero of your own journey.